I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
