She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
