I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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