dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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