did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
