You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
