im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
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You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
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You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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