nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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