What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Sext me about skeletons
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
