if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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