It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
