Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
