i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
