youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
