Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
