I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
