I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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