Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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