24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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