Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
