She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Dignity is for republicans.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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