I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
