Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
