Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
