apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
