White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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