you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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