ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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