my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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