Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
