Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
