moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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