I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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