remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
