I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
he just fucked me for my cheese.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
