I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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