Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
