Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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