we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
