Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize