absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize