i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
