I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
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I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
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