But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Randomize
