Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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