I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
