ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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