One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
