So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
