You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
honey bunches of taint.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave