last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.