gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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