No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
