i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
