if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
