Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
