Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
