STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
