I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
