Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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