one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
