is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
