The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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