Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Your cock deserves a montage
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
