so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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