Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
