Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I didn't notice because vodka
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
