Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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