I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
