i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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