so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
