i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
