i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
