Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
