apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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