You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
