Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize