My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
ttyl tear gas
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
