youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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