So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
