i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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