i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
