oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Little spoons don't ask big questions
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
