got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
