im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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