Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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