it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
