'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
