someone threw a dead crab at me
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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