Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
