Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
