Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
