Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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