I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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