Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
