My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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